Guide to Performing Cunnilingus

I wanted to add a little more to the previous post, where one of my readers wanted to know how to get her man to perform cunnilingus. There is possibly another reason a man wouldn’t want to do it, and that is because he doesn’t know how.

See contrary to what we as women think and what most men want us to believe, cunnilingus is NOT a natural born talent, it is a skill that must be practiced and perfected. This goes for lesbians as well, yes we as women all have a vagina but that doesn’t mean we as a woman necessarily know what to do to another woman to make her scream.

First understand that no two women are the same. So just because you were outstanding at eating out one woman doesn’t mean that you are going to be an award winning pussy eater for every woman. What does this mean then? It means that you can try your old techniques on a new partner but you better be ready to relearn your tactical skills. So what are you to do?

My favorite and most important recommendation, talk to your partner. Find out what it is she likes, what she wants. If you are with a woman that has never had anyone go down on her before you are in luck, you can offer your “expertise” on what you know so that you can discover together what she enjoys. But talk to one another. As for when should you have this discussion? Well if you spend anytime reading you will find that there is various recommendations out there, either during sex or prior to sex or after sex. I say this, have the discussion when it feels right. If you are going to do it in the middle of sex then be prepared for the answers you are going to get and make sure that your partner is comfortable answering those questions.

Since cunnilingus or “oral love making” can go on for extended periods of time, both partners need to find a comfortable position to be in. For some couples, oral sex is the only form of sexual activity they engage in together, so finding a comfortable position is extremely important. The best are perhaps those in which the recipient is in a dominant position, which is kneeling or lying over their partner. This gives them the greatest freedom of movement and control. Ideally, both partners are fully relaxed during cunnilingus. If one or both partners are uncomfortable, it becomes more a chore than a pleasure. You do not want the person performing cunnilingus to get a sore or stiff neck holding their mouth up to their partner’s vulva. You do not want the recipient to get tired holding her own weight up for long periods of time. Take some time to find a comfortable position before actually starting to have sex. Your health, age, weight, and flexibility will determine which position(s) are best for you. Using a fancy position gains you nothing if you tire or your muscles become stiff and sore.

Different Positions:The recipient may want to kneel over her partner’s head, lowering her vulva down onto their mouth. She can either face away from or towards her partner’s feet. The position that works best will depend on the angle of her vulva, and the angle of her partner’s mouth. You may want to place a pillow under the head of the person performing cunnilingus, to raise it up to the level of the recipient’s vulva. You may want to place a big soft pillow, or a folded comforter/quilt under the recipient’s body so she can rest her weight on it while keeping her pelvis elevated. For extended sessions you do not want either of you to be actively supporting any part of your own or your partner’s body weight.

The recipient can also lie under her partner who is lying on or kneeling over her, head to toe.

The recipient may want to lie on a bed with her lower legs hanging over the edge. Her partner kneels on the floor between her spread legs. Pillows can be placed under the knees and/or chest of the person kneeling. The recipient may want to place a pillow under their hips to raise them up to mouth level.

Some couples may want to lie on their sides, side by side, head to toe. Placing their heads on each other’s thigh.

Other couples may need to lie on the floor on their sides, at right angles forming a “T”, the performer lying their head on the inner thigh of the recipient. The recipient may need to prop their upper, bent, leg on a couple of pillows. The person performing cunnilingus can either lie in front of or behind the recipient.

Of course there is always the traditional position where the recipient lies on her back with legs spread, her partner lying between her legs. Pillows can be placed under the recipient’s head to raise it up so she can watch her partner, or her hips can be elevated with pillows. The person performing cunnilingus can also rest the weight of their chest on a pillow if needed.

The actual techniques employed vary from couple to couple. The sensitivity of a woman’s vulva and clitoris will determine what type of stimulation she likes and is most responsive to. There are women who like a slow soft touch, others like a fast firm touch. The structure of her genitals will determine what is possible. A woman with well-developed inner labia may like to have them sucked on; a woman with small or absent inner labia will not be able to experience this. If a woman has clitoris that projects outward or is well developed, her partner will be able to suck on it like a small penis. If a woman has a small or hidden clitoris, her partner may only be able to lap at it. There is one important rule though, unless you intend to tease her, keep up your rhythm and intensity once you start bringing her close to orgasm. Nothing upsets a woman more during cunnilingus than having her partner break their rhythm, or wander off the spot, when they are on the verge of orgasm.

DO NOT

seek out a woman’s clitoris immediately. If a woman is not adequately aroused her clitoris will either be overly sensitive or totally insensitive to all forms of stimulation. You need to wait for her hormones to get flowing and for her genitals to become engorged with blood. Make a slow and lengthy journey to her clitoris. Discover her clitoris by accident. Caress, kiss, and lick her inner thighs. Gently lick the area where her vulva and inner thighs come together. Slowly lick her pubic mound and outer labia. Take your time. Run your tongue along the grove created by the meeting of her outer labia. Slip your tongue between her inner and outer labia. If possible, draw her inner labia into your mouth and suck on them; gently draw blood into them. Lick the area between her inner labia; the area just outside her vagina and the location of the urethral orifice. If her clitoral body is well defined, run your tongue along the groves that separates it from her outer labia.

When she is dripping wet and begging for more, very gently start licking her clitoris. Do not retract her hood at first. Give her time to get highly aroused. When she seems ready to explode slip her clitoral hood back with your lubricated fingers, or she can use her own, and lick and suck on her exquisitely sensitive clitoral glands. Be very gentle. There are women who require a very light touch; others will find this ticklish and will require a firm but gentle touch. Still others will not be able to tolerate direct stimulation of their clitoral glands. Gently suck on her clitoris; delicately draw more blood into it. Once you find a form of stimulation that is pleasurable for her, maintain that stimulation until she experiences orgasm, if one is desired. If she is not able to experience orgasm, continue the stimulation for as long as it is pleasurable for the both of you. Cunnilingus need not include orgasm for it to be very pleasurable and satisfying.

Listen to Your Partner

 

If a woman already knows what she likes, listen to her instructions. If she has never experienced cunnilingus, or at least a pleasurable session, slow experimentation is in order. Even couples who are quite in tune with each other may at times want to try new techniques. When you experiment, try moving your tongue over her vulva in every manner you can think of. There are lots of ways, and there is only one way to find out what works best for her, trial and error.

If both partners are in a comfortable position and fully relaxed, you may not be able to spread the woman’s outer labia to get at the treasures within, using your hands, so you will need to bury your face her in vulva, finding her clitoris and inner labia with your lips and tongue. A woman may be able assist with her own hands, but this too may be tiring. If a woman’s legs are comfortably spread her vulva will spread open naturally and her outer labia draw apart when she is highly aroused.

Since your tongue may grow tired, be sure to use your lips and tongue to caress and suck on her delicate tissues in alternation. If you extend your tongue fully, and you are not accustomed to this, your tongue will soon get tired. It is better to get your mouth as close to her clitoris and labia as possible. Use short strokes with you tongue slightly extended.

A woman may enjoy it when you insert your tongue into her vagina and stimulate her vaginal walls. You may not be able to insert your tongue very far, but usually the most sensitive tissues are near the entrance anyway. There are women who enjoy it when you insert your finger(s) into her vagina and stimulate her vaginal walls, and possibly her G-Spot, while you suck on her clitoris. Some enjoy it when you insert your lubricated finger(s) into her anus and/or massage her anus while performing cunnilingus.

You can also include the use of dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs. A woman may enjoy the feeling of being stretched open or filled while being orally stimulated. A vibrator may make orgasm possible during cunnilingus when it would otherwise be impossible. While the vibrator alone may result in orgasm, the combination may be more pleasurable and result in a stronger orgasm.

Many couples enjoy engaging in the so called “69″ or “Ying/Yang” position during oral sex. These terms allude to the practice whereby both partners orally stimulating each other at the same time, lying head to toe. There are couples who find this very enjoyable, feeding off each other’s arousal and orgasm. Others find they cannot concentrate on what they are doing to their partner, and get so caught up in their own pleasure they forget to stimulate their partner. Some become so distracted by what they are doing that they themselves cannot experience orgasm. So again, only trial and error will tell you if this technique is suitable for you and your partner.

How To Get a Guy to Try Cunnilingis

I decided to write this post in response to a question from a reader. Asking my “expert” opinion on the matter of cunnilingus and how to get a man to perform it when he isn’t into it, he had tried it once and swore he would never do it again.

The best advice I can give you on any matter concerning sex and something you want to try or you want your partner to try is to talk to them. For this question specifically you should talk to your man and find out what it was that turned him off in the first place.

If you think about it, there are a number of reasons that a guy might not want to perform oral sex on girl. Perhaps their last experience was with someone that was less then hygienic, so odor and taste could be an issue. Maybe they didn’t like the feeling of the hair in their mouth and between their teeth. It could be that they have an issue with putting their mouth somewhere they feel it shouldn’t be. But talk to him and find out what the reason is, this will help you both find a way to try to overcome the aversion.

For example, if it is taste use a flavored lubricant. There are MANY different flavors, there is bound to be one that he would enjoy. As I have said in the past, make sure that you are clean, make sure that your hair is short or shaved which ever is your preference. You might also want to try a pair of edible panties. Try to make it as fun and enjoyable for him as possible.

If he likes getting a blow job I recommend offering to do a “69.” This way he is being gratified at the same time you are getting what you want. Ask him to try it just once with you and see if he still has the same feelings about. Sometimes to overcome a bad experience you have to dive right in and try it again.

How to Give An Incredible Blow Job: A Man’s Answer and a Woman’s Answer

 

I think oral sex is an important part of foreplay. There are times when going all the way just isn’t possible… or as exciting as giving him what he really wants when we really wants it. This can be in the shower… to wake him up in the morning…in your home office while the kids are away… in the living room… relaxing in a secluded area of a beach… So while I will offer you my tips in a later post… I thought I would see what people have to say on the net.

 

This lead me to a post that was found at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-give-a-good-blow-job.html, now mind you I did a little editing to meet with my own writing guidelines… I don’t think sex has to be lude and crude… you can say what is needed without being nasty. So you have the link if you want to go read verbatim what was said. But really this is pretty close.

 

You know, there were a lot of excellent posts on this subject and the I guess the really “correct” answer is that there is no ONE answer, every guy is a little different.

 

1. Use your hands as little as possible. If you have to use your hand to steady the penis every once in a while that’s OK. It’s supposed to be your MOUTH that gets me off not your HAND. In fact, my girlfriend usually puts her hands either behind her back or on my stomach to remind her of my no hands preference.

 

2. Be gentle, don’t use your teeth. But, at the same time, don’t act like it’s made of fine china, don’t be AFRAID of the penis!

 

3. Look up at his face. Smile alot. This is one of the two rules that in my opinion MUST be followed. Ladies, there is simply nothing better than having a beautiful woman, the under ordinary circumstances you really do respect, taking your manhood halfway down her throat and smiling like a pornstar. It’s just mind-blowing ladies. Seriously.

 

4. Follow his directions, if any.

 

5. Personally, I never was much into ball licking.

 

6. Lick up and down the shaft. This is good for variety, maybe do this 20% of the time, but really 80% of the time should be about hard suction.

 

7. Take him all in, and I do mean as far down your throat as you can get him, at least 1 out of every 6 or 7 down strokes.

 

OK ladies, I need to say something on this rule. Only YOU really know if you are SERIOUSLY gagging or if it’s something you can live with. See, for me, I know about every 6th or 7th down stroke (or more often if she really is into it that day), she’s gonna take me in her mouth all the way down to my balls and she is going to gag a little. Ladies, please do not take this the wrong way, I love my girlfriend to death, I’ve actually asked her to marry me, but she doesn’t want to. The thing is ladies, we expect and WANT you to gag a little! We want to know we got as far down you throat as possible, hey at least I do. Deep penetration is psychologically important to men. If you are not willing to take him in as far as humanly possible at least once in a while, then really the blowjob isn’t worth it from his point of view. This is the second rule that MUST be followed for me.

 

8. Personally, I like a nice steady pace, pick a rhythm and stick it to.

 

9. Rub his body with you hands. Great idea, you can put the hands anywhere, as long as you don’t use them for a glorified handjob.

 

10. Don’t stop until he comes. OK, this one point that I can disagree with. Personally ladies, I want you to let me know if you intend to “finish me” this way or not. If you DO intend to finish me this way, then ladies, a finishing blowjob SHOULD be a NASTY blowjob, which means you should swallow at least some of it.

 

11. Oh, one more thing. Ladies, don’t get mad when the guy puts his hand on the back of your head and tries to force it deeper down your throat. OK now sometimes, he’s just being an asshole, I grant you that. But ladies a lot of the time, that means you are not   going deep enough. The next time he puts his hand back there, try this. Go really DEEP, as DEEP as you can for like 5 consecutive down strokes. You will give him so much pleasure that I bet you that hand moves! Now, if you do that and the hand doesn’t move, then you legitimately have the right to stop and ask him “dude, what do you want? I CAN’T go any deeper and what I just did should have damn near sent you into orbit!!”.………………………….   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008):

I agree that every man is different, but there are some basic techniques to use. I’d recommend starting by holding the base of the penis gently so he’s angled against his stomach and licking the testicles. Start gently and increase the pressure, perhaps taking each testicle into your mouth. Moan or hum whilst you do this, the vibrations feel good.

 

Then lick where you were holding him at the base and start moving up the penis. Keep using your hand to steady him and have him where you need him to be. If you have enough saliva at this point, put your lips into an open ‘pout’ side on to his penis and move them from the base to just before the head, flicking with your tongue but not moving your lips. Keep starting at the base and moving up ’til you’ve covered most of him. Change this movement to long wet licks (this is the easiest time to look up at him). Make sure the licks start to cover the head without going straight to the tip. Make the last of the licks straight up the back of the penis covering the frenulum gently and swirling around the base of the glans up to the top of the head.

 

Making sure your lips are wet, again pout but position your mouth straight over the head. Gently push down over the head to simulate as if he was penetrating you. Use some resistance but nothing major at this point. Once you’ve got the head in your mouth, use your tongue to swirl all over. Some guys like a little flick right at the tip.

 

Slowly raise your head up but don’t remove his penis from your mouth. Make sure your bottom lip gently rubs against the frenulum on the way up. You can use the fingers of the hand supporting the penis to play with his testicles whilst doing this. Push your head down again gently but a little further. Keep doing this slowly, moving your tongue over him, and try to get frequent gentle contact with the frenulum, until you’ve as much of him in your mouth as you’re comfortable with.

 

You can choose to cover your teeth with your lips or not, but try not to catch him, and start a regular slow rhythm with a little suction (not massive amounts!) You can use your hand as an extension of your mouth, but make sure his penis is nice and wet so you’re not pulling on him uncomfortably.

 

Increase the pressure and the rhythm (not forgetting to move your tongue against him when he’s inside your mouth)until you’ve got a sustainable and relatively fast movement that’s comfortable for you. Be prepared for lots of sucking noises and you don’t necessarily need to go faster even if he’s urging you to. It depends on how much teasing you want to do.

 

If your jaw needs a break, hold his head in your mouth and gently suck and lick whilst using your hand as you would to masturbate him.

 

If you want to try deep throating, go for it and be confident about it. It takes a bit of practice and you will have a gag reflex, but it’s satisfying to do and if you (again) move your tongue (admittedly it won’t be that much!) so much the better. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you and I don’t think it’s essential but a nice added extra.

 

Personally, my opinion is that even if you don’t like the taste, swallow. It’ll spend less time on your tongue than if you spit and is tidier! Alternatively, when he’s near, masturbate him onto your face (close your eyes) or your breasts.

 

Once you’re comfortable with it, you can add little tricks (rotating your head one way and your hand another, following your mouth with your hand and flicking your index finger over the head inside your mouth so that on the way down his penis is between your forefinger and middle finger, applying pressure to/licking the perineum)but the best thing you can do is enjoy it. If you’re not into it, any guy worth his salt won’t try to pressure you into it. Just don’t expect the same back!

 

I want to close this with saying that I think it is important that you talk to your mate. Make sure that you are doing what he likes. I don’t care if 9 out of 10 guys tell you that they don’t want you to use your hands… if you man wants you to use your hand then use your hand! When you are performing oral sex it isn’t really about what you like or want, the entire goal is to please him… what turns him on, what is bringing him the most pleasure.

 

If you aren’t really enjoying the act itself, enjoy the fact that you are giving your man what he wants. After all you have to give in order to receive. If you want him to perform orally on you, and you want him to do what feels good to you… then I suggest you do the same for him.

Sinful Indulgence

You are about to enter a world of sensual erotica. Where you are going to learn how to enjoy your sensual side as well as learn how to appreciate your partners sensuality. There is so much more to intercourse then penetration.

Here you are going to learn how to indulge the desires of the skin. Pleasure yourself and your partner to the point of achieving total mind and body bliss. It is time to go beyond orgasm.